Silent — does not speak up for oneself; you have no idea where they stand, what they want, or how they think about a situation.
Our challenge in dealing with most people we deem difficult is how we react to them and interact with them. We can do little to change another person. We can own our own reactions and responses in order to neutralize, live with, or reject the situation we find difficult.
Look within yourself to determine the behaviors – not the personality – that make a person seem difficult to you. Each of us has a different trigger.
Step away from the situation – either physically or figuratively – long enough to assess whether you need to deal with it now while the emotions are high, or later after feelings are under control.
Bounce your thoughts and feelings off someone you trust. Determine if you are so deeply involved that you are blind to an obvious intervention or making more of the situation than seems warranted. You may also get a perspective or a suggested intervention you have not thought of.
Approach the person you deem difficult with a positive attitude and open body language regardless of how you really feel inside. This takes restraint and discipline on your part!
Ask the other person for permission to talk about something that is bothering you that involves the two of you, and seek a less-public place in which to talk. Avoid putting either of you in a potentially compromising position by being too private.
Use “I” statements and emphasize your perceptions of the situation. Focus on behaviors and performance rather than on personal traits.
Stop talking and listen to the other’s point of view. Ask open, non-confrontational questions to clarify and encourage an exchange of views.
Propose a solution, mediation, or truce. Be prepared to make an alternative decision, however. Remember that you own the difficulty, not the other person. They may not think they have a need to negotiate or modify their behavior even after your conversation.
Be prepared to accept the situation and move on, minimize the situation by finding others who offset the difficulty, or abandon the situation and leave.
While you may read all sorts of hard-and-fast advice about how to deal with difficult people, know that every situation is different and those patent solutions may fall short of your expectations. Difficult situations seldom just go away by ignoring them. They usually escalate when left to their own devices. In most cases, you are better off taking action to deal with the difficulty and move forward rather than avoiding and letting open wounds fester.
